Just some Thoughts

I have to wonder....Do boys/guys/men think women are stupid? Do they not think that a woman who they are dating/living with/married to would not notice the change in personalities when their eyes begin to wander? Seriously, do we look like the kind of people who you can pull a fast one over? And what makes people think that dating more then one person at a time is a good idea?!?! Doesn't it get expensive??? You have to buy more birthday presents, more Christmas presents, more I love you gifts.

Ok I'll admit when I was younger I did date more then one person at a time, and more recently I hung out with two guys that were in the military who were roommates. Nothing was serious between me and the military guys, it was just nice getting to know them while they were here. Mostly just out for coffee one night with one of them and the next night with the other. They were both leaving in a couple of months so I didn't see the harm, especially when I wasn't serious about either one of them and I wasn't dating either one of them.

It's the people who date more then one person long term that bothers me. Or the ones who after a 3 year relationship get the big idea that someone else would be good to have around. I think that most people who have ever been cheated on know the signs to look for when someone is cheating, even those who haven't had someone cheat on them know what the signs are...So how is it that people get away with it for so long?

I have a few ideas...The big one is denial. People deny that the person they are with are seeing someone else, they don't want to believe that the relationship they are in is falling apart and there is nothing they can do to fix it. It'll stop...That's a common thought, I'm better then this other person, he/she has been with me longer...They'll come back to me.

What I think is funny, is that when I get dumped, or I get cheated on I feel like I've lost. Not necessarily the love of my life, I've just lost. I'm not the one breaking up the relationship, the other half is, therefore they have won and I have lost. And I HATE losing! Besides all the other feelings that come with being dumped or cheated on I have this big feeling of losing.

It's funny how things end and other things begin....I always wondered how long after a relationship is long enough to be over the other person, to be over the hurt and pain, and enough time to allow your heart to heal so that you can love again. I heard once that you should give yourself one month for every two months you are dating, which means I personally should be over my ex and ready to move on...But I think I've held myself back in a lot of ways.

I'm not ready to open up to someone new, I'm not ready to let someone else in, I'm not ready to meet parents, I'm not ready to get to know someone in a relationship setting, I'm not ready to love and I'm definitely not ready to trust. I guess that maybe I need more time to heal then others? It's been over a year since my last serious relationship....Actually a year and 4 months. The thought of starting a relationship scares me, I wonder if I can trust again, is that something that I am capable of?

Not too long ago, a friend of mine and I decided that maybe we should try a relationship. It lasted a week...Everything felt so uncomfortable, not like oh my God I'm kissing my brother kinda uncomfortable, it just felt really uncomfortable. I felt like my mind and my heart were pulling me in different directions. Part of me wanted it to work so bad, the other part of me was hoping to God the guy felt the same way. And apparently he did cuz we broke it off shortly there after. I tell people that it was mutual, but I am really not that sure. It's really hard to go from thinking of someone as a friend then to thinking of them as a boyfriend then back to friend. The back to friend transition has been hard for me. I'm not sure why...but it has been. Neither of us wanted to ruin a great friendship by complicating things and having things not work out, but honestly I don't feel as close to him as I used to, I think that maybe it's because I lost. I don't like losing much. Because it was more his idea to end things then it was mine...I feel like I've lost.

And I wonder do other people feel this losing feeling after a break up? or is it just my messed up mind thinking that way? Maybe I'm too competitive, but I really don't think I am.